It hurts my heart to hear you say things like "I am always looking for something, I am lost." We talked about Tiger Woods and I said it was sad to see someone searching like that. You said you were looking too.
I don't think you are able to think about how special it is to have someone listen to you. I think you are hurting too much right now. But you can change that. I know that you have listened to me, really listened, and that I have done the same for you. This is the best thing in life, Thomas. Everything else is peripheral, and the celebration needs to be made to bring everything else up to speed, sometimes you have to try harder than at others. The mind holds all things, it can hold all things, it furnishes the illusion that is every single day of our lives.